I just finishing watching President Obama’s “It Gets Better” PSA. It was very powerful and I believe that he sent a very important message to the impact of bullying and the need for it to stop. However, just a few days ago President Obama and his administration sent another message to the lgbt community. He asked for a Stay of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT), which was recently granted and reinstated the policy that doesn’t allow openly gay people to serve in the military.  So, while I thought the PSA was important, it was also very hypocritical and hides this country’s sanctioned homophobia, heteronormativity, and discrimination against the lgbt community as major causes of LGBT youth suicide.

From my experience, in regards to sexuality-based  bullying and the consequent thoughts of taking one’s life occurs after a culmination of events and life situations that occur in various, if not all, areas of one’s life.  As one  interacts with peers, family, friends, schools, churches, state and federal government, religious institutions,  the perpetual messages of hate, inferiority, and non-supportive behaviors toward lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered people are the major root causes for LGBT youth attempting or committing suicide. It is constant, consistent, and systematic devaluing at every turn, around every corner, in our schools, and in our homes that wear us down to the point that we can see no future and see no reason to hope for a better one.

When your administration asked for a Stay of DADT, a heternormative and homophobic message that heterosexuals are more valuable than lgbt people for the simple fact that they are not heterosexual. President Obama, it is about value and value lost. DADT devalues lesbians and gays in the military, but the impact is felt by more than those that are enrolled. DADT is just not a policy; it is the embodiment of this society’s ethos. It is a venomous ideology that does nothing but destroys, devalues, degrades, and punishes lgbt people for being who they are and your administration endorsed it.

So, as we continue to think about those young people who have recently committed suicide, let us not use those who have done the bullying as a scapegoat to deflect from the fact that we are still living in a country that teaches hate, sanctions discrimination, and systematically promotes heteronormativity.

President Obama–we must do what is right even when it is not convenient. It is not good enough to tell people to wait for their right to be who they are. Some people can’t wait! Some people are already at the end of the rope.  I was lucky to have someone grab me when I just let go of the rope, but not everyone has someone that can pull them back help them make sense of the years of systematic abuse and devaluing. The truth of the matter is, the longer we wait, the more people will suffer and die because “it isn’t the right time to be who you are.”

I was so moved by this documentary because I know what it is like to be made to feel ashamed of who you are by some church folk. I know what it feels like to be silenced, or ignored, and made invisible because “the church” deems you unclean. The most poignant moment for me watching this was when Ernest Larkins said,”People who find out that they are positive and don’t go to get treatment and a lot of that is because of what we are taught in church”. I was blown away because people rarely talk about the impact of shame, guilt, and marginalization within the context of church and the emotional, mental, and spiritual consequences it has on the folks in that space. There is so much silence, shame, and stigma that  is attached to HIV so much so that when someone does test positive that they become the living embodiment of silence and shame.

We need to talk more about HIV. We need to talk more about teen pregnancy. We need to talk more about sexuality in general and specifically. If we truly care for our brothers and sisters and truly embody the philosophy that I am my brothers (and sisters) keeper, than we would unite to end their suffering. It is as Ernest Larkins says: this is what HIV looks like; strong people, people of faith, black people.” HIV is US. HIV is OUR problem and we must work together collectively to provide the solutions that will end this epidemic.

Please be a messenger of hope in your community and in your church.

To see the documentary, please click HERE. or  visit http://www.inthelifetv.org/html/episodes/150.html.

For more information about HIV, please click HERE. 

Peace, Love, Joy, and Happiness

All too often, we are rendered silent and invisible by those who have been reared in a racist, sexist, homophobic, and transphobic society. Our mental, spiritual, physical, emotional, and intellectual selves are put upon, forced into the margins (intentionally or unintentionally) and are systematically forced to either bend to conform to dominant, white-supremacist ideology or break trying—this is oppression.

Though not comprehensive, it is in the aforementioned context that I believe has direct impact and implication on how Black/African-Americans live, exist, and negotiate with a system that is not built for our success. When examined closely, a complex set of interconnected systems are revealed that actually limit Black/African-American’s access to information, education, knowledge, sexual and reproductive health services–opportunities across the board.

It is living and existing in that context that many Black/African-Americans are encountering HIV/AIDS—with the end result of these convergent realities being such that we as a people are disproportionately infected and affected by HIV/AIDS. Therefore, the work that I think that needs to be done to address and redress HIV/AIDS disparities among Black/African-Americans requires that we confront the whole context and engage intentionally and authentically in our truth telling.

We are existing in a time where it is no longer ethical to provide simple and singular solutions to address large, systemic, and complex social issues like HIV/AIDS, racism, or homophobia. We live in a time where research has shown that if we are to be effective at really rectifying those social ills, we must engage the mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical needs of individuals as well as the socio-cultural environmental systems that we are socialized by.

 The issues facing many Black/African-Americans around HIV/AIDS are complex. While I can not redress every social and historical issue that predisposes Black/African-Americans to HIV, I do believe that if we do not contront the context we are sentencing our people to death. The impact of oppression on our overall well-being is real and the consequences can be dire. We must call out and fight against oppression in all its forms. We must create access to quality health care. We must advocate for structural interventions that promote policy change, systems change, and environmental change that will meet the needs of Black/African-American people.

Audre, I need thee  in my  hour of prayer. Speak to me! Give me guidance and strenth to do what is right. To fight against racism. The strength to love. The courage to speak up for justice and the power to work for the renewal of peace. Lend me your spirituality and the power of your erotic until I have found my own.

You spoke to me last night and your words,  “The master’s tools will never dismantle the master house” have never been so clear and tangible. You’ve awakened me once again in a way that has me asking, in what ways am I colluding with white supremecist ideology everyday? You have me thinking at what cost have I sold my brothers and sisters white supremacist poison in literature, articles, and everyday talk for money, notoriety, and position. How many times have I heard my brothers and sisters crying out for love, affection, assistance, and have silenced them and told them to just stay silent and don’t show how you feel. At what cost have I sold my brothers and sisters back into neoracist slavetrade with misinformation, misrepresentation, commodifacation of our bodies, and relied on essentialist, racist, and sterotypical reifications? How many times have I explained away my own pain and their pain for a profit and to fit it? How many times have I been paralyzed with fear and did not intervene when my brothers and sisters have been put on the auction block and their stories, lives, and experiences are being bought and sold for CDC funding? I am ashamed, mother, sister, Audre Lorde. I have fallen short of the high calling that is to do no harm, to advocate for the silenced, marginalized, voiceless, and in all things work for social justice and be thankful.

Today, I am a mess Lorde. I have realized how much work that I still have to do on me, and not feeling worthy to work on behalf of others.  But I do know, that if it isn’t me–than who will. So, I will continue to press toward the mark of the prize of the high calling and have faith that you will guide me from this broken place into wholeness. I know that your presence is oh so near and I can feel you so near on this day. The presence and the power of the erotic healed me once before and I’m looking for it again. I was saved in grad school the moment I read your word and I am shouting once more that I am in need of healing once more. So when racism and white supremecy comes rushing in like a flood, my prayer is that you will plant my feet firmly into a solid foundation of love, compassion, hope, friendship, authenticity,  power so that I might endure for one more day.

I know you have heard me. I can feel you listening. So, Audre Lorde, please accept this prayer as a sacrifical offering that might be pleasing in your sight. And please accept this offering as our covenant, and my covenant with my brothers and sisters, that I will do what is right, abouding in truth, love, and enduring compassion.

With love and forever in service (even if broken)
Your Son–Ayotunde Emeka-Neo/Soulforce

Those are just two of many many questions that were asked of me during the Social Justice Training Institute (SJTI) that I just attended last week. What is stopping me from being me, particularly looking at and answering that question through the lens of race. I can’t even begin to fully put into words what I experienced over 5 days of intensive work because the truths that were revealed i’m still processing and I know that some revelations wont be revealed until later, but the deconstruction to allow that later revelation to occur happened at SJTI.

Even in writing this I realized that I am still in that experience and can’t even continue to write about it. WOW.

I’ll try again…maybe in a month!

Social Justice Training Institute.- http://www.sjti.org/
check it out!

The new contribution of Dr. Gate’s piece, from my perspective, is his unveiling of the role that African elite played in fueling the enslavement of African/ African-Americans. The recognition of the role of African elite in the selling of enslaved Africans to Europeans does not somehow negate, nullify, or absolve this country of its role in the systematic dehumanization of African/ African-Americans. The practice of selling people–into institutions–that destroy their spirit and don’t recognize their inherent value is a crime against humanity no matter if it is taking place in the U.S., Africa, Europe, etc. Once my ancestors arrived here, the conversation became not so much what African elites did or did not do, but what Europeans did and how they went on to strategically assemble a system that would continually exploit African-Americans for their continued gains.

While I believe Dr. Gate’s point was that seeking reparations from particular individuals  may not work, that is a mute point for people like me who are doing work around race. Clearly, we will not be looking for people who are dead in their graves and request repayment. However, what I believe is necessary is the recognition that this country was built on the backs of African-Americans and we and our ancestors deserve respect. Also, the acknowledgement that we are NOT living in a post-racialized society and that we are NOT all on equal footing. We need to acknowledge the direct and indirect affects of hundreds of years of enslavement and the social inequalities that exist today because of that. So, I don’t need 40acres and a mule…it would be nice, but no. What I need is for my community to have access to health care, funding for text books, computers with the latest software to address the digital divide, affordable housing, access to eduction, job training, the address of the funneling of Black boys and men into prisons, etc. Those are my reparations! Give me those things!

My Professors always taught me to think about the potential effects of my writing and to weigh whether or not my work would do more harm than good. A lot of time was spent focusing on knowing your audience and writing to them. With that in mind, my question to Dr. Gates is– knowing what we do know about how race and racism operate in this country, how does this op-ed piece play into the system of racism that continually pathologizes African-Americans?

My group was introduced to an activity called Open Space Technology. Open Space Technology was fashioned after the exchanges witnessed at African market places. The concept of bartering provides valuable examples of the power that individuals have over seemingly fixed pricing with pricing only being one example. One can also consider the exchanges with patients and health institutions as another example–with the idea behind bartering empowering people to engage with institutions to receive a good based on what they deem appropriate.

Some core principles governing Open Space Technology are:

1. People have power, value, and agency and therefore have the right to set their own agendas, topics, standards, etc.
2. That people should only stay in a group only as long as they are feeling like they are contributing/gaining knowledge. Once you are done, move on.
3. It is okay for people not to contribute or be “butterflies” on the wall.

In short, we were polled and asked to think about the various issues that we wanted to talk about related to HIV. We than assembled the topic and once all topics were placed on the board, people had the option to choose which discussion they wanted to participate in. In our case, conversations ranged from talking about oppression at large to more specific issues like advocating for the decriminalization of behaviors of HIV positive persons.

I thought this was a great activity particularly because it allowed for a physical representation of the various complex and intersecting issues related to HIV. Often times when we meet, there are very singular conversations that occurs. This process allowed us to hold a multitude of issues in one space without marginalizing other issues that are equally important to preventing the spread of HIV. The ability to hold up the spectrum of issues becomes ever more imperative as we try to confront HIV in communities of color that experience compounding issues like racism, minimal access to health services, lack of health insurance, violence, homophobia, etc.

So for all of those who have traditionally thought that we can only address one issue at a time, i’m here to tell you to get real. The issues affecting all of us are multiple, complex, and intersecting and anything that does not address that dynamism will never create the changes that we need in this society.

Major thanks to HIV Prevention Justice Alliance for sharing that great tool!
For more information, check them out at:  http://www.champnetwork.org/hiv-prevention-justice-alliance.

Peace

Hey Everyone!

I must say that I have been completely floored (both positive and negative) by the goingson at the HIV Research Catalyst Forum. The amount of information that has been provided has literally changed my way of thinking and understanding of the field of HIV.

I attended the Prevention Symposium 1: Confronting the social drivers of HIV incidence in the U.S. and man was I conceptually challenged. I was challenged within that setting to really look closely at the various modes of HIV prevention. As I mentioned in my previous post, I was look for more new ways of thinking about HIV and I found it. I was amazed by the level of integrative approaches that activist and researchers are taking to try to address the high rates of HIV infection.

The gist of the symposium was that there needs to be more strategies employed to address that high rates of HIV infection among communities of color. Understanding the casual pathways that lead to HIV transmission can provide a variety of new and creative opportunities to intervene. For example, if a project can provide housing and job opportunities for homeless HIV positive persons and link them to care, then getting treatment decreases viral load and therefore risk of transmission. This type of creativity really elucidates the social, cultural, and structural issues that directly or indirectly impact a person’s access to HIV information and services.

The housing project was just one example of how people are thinking differently about trying to address the high rates of HIV infection. This thrills my heart soooooo much– that at least some scholars, researchers, and activist are starting to think more critically about complex and intersecting factors that impact people of color and their access.

So, round one goes to HIV Research Catalyst Forum for meeting my expectations me 0!

Hey Everyone!

I am extremely excited about what the HIV Research Catalyst Forum represents! For me, this conference really marks the beginning of my journey into the vast and extensive field of HIV Research. As a person who received bare bones prevention information and little to no information as to how the HIV virus actually effects the body– this gathering of activists, health educators, medical providers, and researchers will provide me with a more holistic view of HIV.

I am particularly interested in hearing whether or not there are new ways of thinking and talking about the HIV virus. If discourse reflects worldviews, than how is our talking and thinking informing the type of research and treatment strategies people are embarking on? From my perspective, the search and destroy method has not yielded the results that we would have hoped. So theoretically, are there other strategies that might prove more fruitful moving forward than those that have traditionally relied upon search and destroy methods? I am not sure, but I am hopeful that some of my questions will be answered at the HIV Research Catalyst Forum.

Durryle

Sorry i’ve been gone so long. life has been happening and it’s been great. I usually don’t write exclusively about my personal life because I think mostly it’s a bore, but today i’ll write a little.

Significant changes have taken place over the last few months, with it all culminating with a job with a fantastic organization. The fit between me and the job  is so natural that it almost feels cosmically inspired.

But, that’s not what I wanted to talk about. What I really wanted to talk about is how my life feels completely different now. For as long as I can remember, I have always had a plan–a strategy to make my life better. More accurately, to make it out of poverty–to make it to a place where I felt financially secure. Over the years, I have had to consistently negotiate and defer my immediate desires for quick money/fixes, which I believe has been the key defining feature of my personal”resiliency”.

To say that my life has been characterized by struggle, hardships, challenges, setbacks–is to speak nothing more than a horrible truth about living in the ghetto with a single parent who was strung out for most of your life.

Needless to say, I developed a plan and got on the grind. What I did not expect to happen is that that very grind would come to define so much of me that when I no longer needed to be on the grind, I would feel lost.

For me, it’s like being lost at sea and swimming toward something that looks like the shore. The instinct is to continue swimming until you reach land…you can’t stop, you can’t take a break, because the risk of perishing is too great. So you grind on–swim–faster, harder, fully allowing your instincts to guide you and allowing the adrenaline to power your exhausted body. And then you hear someone yelling stand up, stand up, but you cant comprehend it and can’t see because you’ve been swimming with your eyes clothes, and your instinct is still moving you forward and wont let you stop. You think if I stop I will die. And the yelling gets louder, and louder, until you open your eyes and see that you’ve been swimming in the shallow waters.

My point is that–my grind had me moving, thinking, and existing in one particular orientation for so long that the world feels new, different, even scary. Worldview changes bring a great deal new anxieties, but I have to stand up. If I try to keep grinding in the same way, I will surely scape my knees. But, it’s all so new. I am completely disoriented– with no plans. The only plan was to make it to shore. And now that that is done–what next?

Now I feel like I can start living. I feel like there can be no more instinctual grinding–only intentional living from here on out.